There are hundreds of books and articles on relationship management which tell us how much it matters to communicate with your partner. I believe that since it is everywhere, it has actually become cliched. We have heard and read about it so much that it has only become a piece of information and not something that we actually apply in our relationships.
The reason is, that nobody tells us, How to Communicate better?
Daily we communicate a lot, through our verbal and non verbal behavior, it’s common knowledge that we communicate 85% through our non verbal behavior.
That’s something that nobody pays attention to. When we talk about communicating in our relationship, we only think about verbal communications.
Have you ever noticed that when you are about to say or do something, your partner tells you that they already knew what you were going to say?
That’s because our non verbal behavior is predictable, whether you realise it or not.
So, when we talk about communicating better in our relationship, we must first become aware of our non verbal behavior.
Becoming aware of your behavior can help you understand why you acted in a certain way or how your behavior is actually perceived by your partner, because we might think that it doesn’t really matter.
When we become aware, that’s when we realise how we are behaving and communicating and what is wrong with it. ‘
We overlook the power of sitting with our partner and talking to them about the problems in the relationship. That’s mainly because that communication very soon becomes a blame game session and it doesn’t end well for both parties.
So, in order to avoid that, one must change the way we communicate our feelings to our partner and use “I” messages.
Eg, “How could you be so insensitive to me? Don’t you know how much that hurts me!?”
Instead of communicating like that, try this:
“I felt deeply hurt by your behavior , I think it was insensitive of you.”
When we tell our partner how they made us feel, it becomes a personal message and they cannot blame you for feeling the way you do. When we communicate our feelings, it brings up the opportunity for you and your partner to sit down and actually communicate what is that you need to change in the relationship.
The power of communication is bigger than we actually realise, but we do not know how to use it. Overcoming communication challenges isn't easy but awareness is the key to help us reflect and Breakthrough.
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